Family Violence Affects Children

....from every income level, race and religion. Each year, millions of children: witness violence in their homes.  Seeing or hearing violence among family members hurts children in many ways. They do not have to be hit to feel the pain of violence. All too often, children who witness violence are also abused. They may suffer: sexual abuse (such as incest or sexual assault) emotional abuse (threats, put-downs, rejection, etc.) neglect (such as lack of healthy food, clean clothes or health care).  Thousands of children end up seriously injured or killed.

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• THE COSTS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE ARE HIGH

  • Many develop serious physical and mental health problems.  The effects can last a lifetime

  • Can Create a Cycle of Violence -- Some children from violent homes may grow up believing violence is a normal part of family life.  They may become the next generation of adult abusers and victims.

  • Affects us all -- The problems caused by family violence hurts every community

  

Family violence is a crime.  But, it can be prevented.  Children and their families can be helped.

• WHAT'S IT LIKE FOR CHILDREN TO GROW UP IN A VIOLENT HOME? 
  • DANGER -- often, they're the intended victim of one or both parents. Other times, they jet caught in the middle and are hurt -- or killed -- by accident...
  • FEAR AND TENSION -- The children may never know what to expect at home. Their parent's mood can change instantly form loving to enraged. The daily anger and violence create a living nightmare for the children.  They may grow up being afraid of everything  -- an trusting no one...  
  • CHAOS -- The children may never know what to expect at home.  Their parent's mood can change instantly from loving to enraged.
  • CONFUSION -- The children often receive mixed messages.  For example: At school, they learn that hitting is wrong.  But at home, they learn that hitting is used to "solve" problems.

  • ISOLATION -- often, an abusive parent shuts off the family form the outside world.  And, the children may withdraw from their friends and other adults, too.

  • HOPELESSNESS -- The children often blame themselves for the violence.  But, they may feel powerless to prevent, stop or escape from it.

There's hope for children from violent homes.  Positive influence can help a child overcome the negative ones.  Positive influences may include:

• Role models

  • Many children who grow up with violence credit a relative, teacher or friend's parent with showing them a better way -- and giving them love.

• Family Support

  • Being close to brothers, sisters or other relatives helps children feel loved and needed.

• Community Support

  • Positive youth activities and mentoring programs give children a chance to learn new skills.  It also helps them have a sense of purpose in life and build self-esteem.

• Individual Therapy

  • Can help family members rebuild self-esteem, learn to trust again and develop healthy ways to express emotions.  Therapy for children may include play therapy, drawing and one-on-one counseling.

• Group Therapy

  • Can provide support for people who have similar experiences.  These include special programs for families, parent education, victims of violence, alcohol and other drug problems, mental health problems.

You can make a big difference in a child's life too!

• Set Clear Limits

  • Let the child know your rules and limits.  Be consistent in how you reward success and how you deal with misbehavior.

• Be Honest

  • A child from a violent home is under a lost of stress.  Create a calm, safe environment with soft music, quiet times, etc.

• Help Reduce Stress

  • A child may want you to "fix" a family problem.  Let him or her know what you can -- and can't do to help.  Don't make promises you can't keep.

• Encourage Play

  • Help a child break free form the isolation.  Provide lots of opportunities for play, especially with other children.

• Promote Healthy Self- Expression

  • Teach the child to express feelings through talking, writing, drawing and music, not violence.

• Teach Self-Control

  • Help the child stay in control when he or she is angry or frustrated (by counting to 20, taking a time-out, breathing slowly, etc.

• Build Self-Esteem

  • Encourage the child to believe that he or she is worthy of love... not abuse.  Offer choices -- and guide the child to making the right decisions.

• Promote Nonviolence

  • Discourage children form fighting and teasing.  Encourage cooperation and respect.

• Teach Conflict Resolution Skills

  • For example, teach them to follow these steps.

    • Calm down.  Stop fighting or calling names

    • Talk over possible solutions -- and their consequences.

    • Pick one solution.  Try it out.

    • Get help if you can't agree or if the solution doesn't work out.

• Teach Personal Safety Rules

  • Help children from violent homes make a safety plan -- and practice it.  The plan should include

    • Escape routes

    • safe places to go if there is a fight or trouble.

    • How to call for help.

• Keep These Other Tips in Mind.

  • Get help is a child is out of control or if you're unsure about how to handle a situation

  • Avoid talking negatively about the parent.  Offer your support to everyone in the family.

  • Keep accurate, daily records about events, progress, etc.

  • Be a good listener.  Don't force conversation but let families know that you're "there for them".

IF YOU DETECT SIGNS OF ABUSE OR NEGLECT

• Report them to a child protection agency.  If there is an immediate danger, contact the police or sheriff's department.

• Even if you are unsure about a case, report it.  As long as you do so in good faith, your rights are protected.  And, you may save a child's life!

• Some people such as teachers and health-care personnel are mandated to report suspected abuse.  Sate laws vary.

Source:  Channing L. Bete